Donald gave me a disappointed look. Maybe I should have already known. Maybe I hadn’t read the briefing material? Maybe I wasn’t listening?
They waited for me to figure out why I was being stupid. “Oh,” I could feel a flash go off in my head. “They are in Area 51.”
I should say I was interested in the preparation for taking out an alien sentient creature, but I wasn’t. I had my ray gun. Check. My desert eagle. Check. My sword. Check. And the rest of assorted paraphernalia that was needed for a war.
My best weapon would be my mind and Donald, of course. Donald was a waddler, which is why I called him Donald in honor of that old cartoon Donald Duck. Donald’s real name was so full of vowels and strange letters that no human throat could pronounce the name. I didn’t try.
Donald also liked to wear those loud yellow shirts. I am sure that his eyes, they were slitted, didn’t see color and light like a human would. Plus he was from a heavy gravity planet, heavier than earth, so he was a tank. It took a lot to take out Donald. Me? Well, I am an ordinary, five foot eleven inches in my stocking feet. I am pretty nondescript, except when I am wearing the Green Knight Terraforming Uniform. The white polo shirt had a rampant green knight on the left pocket. The uniform also acted as armor.
On this mission we weren’t going to wear the uniform. It was strictly incognito. I think I dozed off in the middle of the strategic planning. It would go down like most missions– i.e. screwed. No battle ever followed the battle plan.
After more pointing and more blah, blah, blah, the lab techs brought us our newest armor. It had to be light enough to carry, but strong enough for battle. It was not what I was expecting when the rabbits pulled out a huge aerosol can and sprayed us.
“What’s this?” I asked. Donald sneezed.
“This the perfect formula for battling roaches,” the lab tech’s rabbits ears twitched. That was interesting. It meant that the tech wasn’t sure if it would work or not.
“What is it?” I asked again patiently.
“Just a little bug killer.”
“Why can’t you just pump it into the building that has the roaches.”
At this point I was getting a little perturbed. It went on like this for a few minutes before the tech finally said that they needed a diversion. Finally, part of the truth. I could be a diversion. Donald was sure enough, big enough to be a diversion.
“What would this diversion entail?” I like the word entail. It as an en and a tail in it.
“Blah Blah Blah” I heard coming from the rabbit’s mouth.
“Never mind,” I said. “I think we’ll just figure it out.”
Donald handed me a small capsule that opened. It was Ermie. Yes, Ermie would be able to translate the geek talk from the rabbit.
I put him in my ear. Ermie was an ear worm with a talent for languages. He hadn’t met a language he couldn’t chew and swallow. In the process he translated the digested form to me.
“You will be at the gate and act like apes” was the Ermie’s translation.
“I got this,” I said. Unfortunately, I was really good at looking like an ape.
Continued next Friday.