Today I have a doctor’s appointment with my rhuematologist so enjoy this blast from the past.
The hour hand is on eleven and the minute hand is approaching twelve when I realize that I haven’t taken my most important pill of the day–prednisone. It is not as devastating to miss this medication as it would have been almost six years ago. Maybe my joints would ache a little.
But in the past, if I missed this medication, I would have been flat on my back with joints, muscles, kidneys, etc., crying out in pain.
How does anyone understand what it is like to go from being an extremely active, type A personality to a lie-abed. Every three days, I would walk in the woods behind our house. It would be a two to three mile walk depending on which trail I took. I would slow down to watch the deer. I would listen for the cuckoos. I would hear the trickle of water and pet the horses. This nature walk would help me calm down enough so that I could write my essays for college. And in between, I would write haikus for my own enjoyment.
What happened? Not even the doctors can tell my why my body failed. I ate a balanced diet. I exercised. I didn’t smoke and drank wine sparingly. There was no reason that my body should have failed like it did, except for those hidden genes, those ticking bombs, waiting for a trigger.
Today my life is regimented. I sleep. I eat. I take pills. I do mild exercise. I read. I write. I am isolated. When my doctor told me that I could not go to movie theaters because there were too many people there and they carried too many germs, I had my first regret. I loved seeing movies on the big screen. I was prohibited from rock concerts, which I didn’t go to anyway. But, I would never be able to go to the summer concerts on the lawns of the Capitol building. There were just too many people.
I have lived through it these last six years. I have found many other things to do and to be. I write more. But, I do miss hiking those hills in Germany to the castles. Resting on a bench, I look out across the valley and see the houses and cobbled streets stretched out before me. I regret the pictures I didn’t take when I had the chance.
Late. At least I wasn’t too late to travel (one of my big dreams). I didn’t put my dreams on hold. I saw Germany, Panama, Japan, and South Africa. I met some wonderful people who still email. I saw the festivals in Japan. I shook hands with a Kappa. I touched a rhino. I even saw a lion rip apart a carcass. Scary. Real scary.
On that note, I gulp down the prednisone with a glass of water. I have another day to dream.