Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Last night I dreamed.

I am a dreamer. I have dreamed various scenes of my own life months before they happened. I do know that my dreams were trying to prepare me for my late-hubby’s death. As if I could have been prepared for losing my best friend and mate.

The only time I quit dreaming was when my life was in the balance in 2003. I didn’t dream for months before I ended up in the hospital.

So last night I dreamed.

This time he wasn’t there. He has been in my dreams or in my peripheral dreams since I met him in 1988. I even dreamed of him long before I met him at the age of sixteen. In my dreams we were having adventures. This time, this dream, I was with long-time friends. We were shooting, laughing, talking, and eating. This time I didn’t look around for him.

I woke up knowing that eventually, my life would go on without him. I cried.

Yesterday, I went to the Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery in Boulder City, Nevada. His stone had finally been carved. His message was there – “I’ll Rest When I’m Dead.”

Rest in Peace, Otto. You have earned it.

9 thoughts on “Knocking on Heaven’s Door

  1. There will always be a bit of pain, but as time goes on, it gets easier to go on, even with the pain. Sharing with friends is one good way to ease the burden. Never hesitate to share, and to ask for prayers — even a hand now and then. (((HUGS))), dear friend.

    • I took the first step when I accepted Foxy in my life. She has kept me from some real stupid things… So accepting her is letting me go on– it isn’t fun or comfortable and I still feel him looking over my shoulder sometimes.

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