Each day is another day without him. I keep touching that wound in my heart because I know from experience that if I keep examining it, then it will heal faster. This is not like a physical wound… where you keep from picking the scab. A spiritual wound is much different.
I have said before that the internet is a boon to introverts and writers. I am both.
I can scream my despair and sometimes my joy to the voice of my imagination and a little voice will speak back to me. It can be very comforting. In my experience there are people who lie to your face and look like they are telling the truth. Most people don’t bother to show that mask on the internet. Yes, there are deliberate lies floating around in the ones and zeros that make up the digital sea. But I have found that the majority of voices out there have found anonymity so they say what they want to say without the social constructs.
I am not saying that it is the greatest of outcomes. I do know that the lies are the ones you are telling yourself. You tell me your truth. I tell you mine.
I discovered yesterday that one of my new friend’s old friends is on the last legs of fighting cancer. I felt sadness for my friend because I am already past that point and am forging into a territory of living without– the smiles, glances, hugs, and love.
I was told once that we have the little deaths – dogs, cats, and other pets– so that we are ready for the ones that knock us on our ass. Its not true. If you love that other person and if they are a part of your daily life, then that death will always knock you on your ass.
So I pick at my wound. The twinges become less. I even have some new interests. I put up that hummingbird feeder and now one of the little ones have come to feed. I take Foxy, the chihuahua friend, for a walk and clean up after her. She sits at my feet and sometimes on my lap.
I am cross-stitching and writing. Plus I watched some folks playing pool and shooting arrows. Not at the same place of course. Although I might want to watch that… a new sport, if you miss a shot, then someone shoots an arrow at you.