As you know by now, I lost the love of my life, Otto Tune, to cancer on September 19, 2014. Leading up to his death, I was very concerned about his medical treatment and caring for him. He went from a strong stout man like you see in the picture to a frail old man in only a few weeks.
As I have been told many times and as I am learning, the shock and pain never leaves, just lessens as I start to remember the many years I had with him, instead of the last few weeks. As one widow said to me, “at least his illness and death were quick. You don’t have to remember years and years of pain.”
It doesn’t lessen the pain, but at least he didn’t suffer as much as others. I console myself with this.
In May I finished a Green Knight Terraforming Short Story– When I go back, I will use my late-hubby as a template. He would have been a great troubleshooter for some nebulous interplanetary council. He was also mischievous and was very good at getting justice through unconventional means. I will use that. If I told these stories as truth, you wouldn’t believe me. He was very good at getting me to laugh at my foibles and especially at my upbringing.
When I would start a routine beaten into my head by my parents, he would laugh and say “your family puts the fun in dysfunctional.” It would make me laugh and divert me from some gloomy horror type thinking. Foxy does her best to divert me as well.
I started on Xandra Peel this month, but I was caught in some VA paperwork. I have already done more than a ream of paper for them including the last ten years worth of medical records. This month I ended up getting another ream’s worth of paper. I need to do more, but I needed a rest from it. When I went back to writing the A/C died. So I have been dealing with triple digits-see last post.
My only excuse is that I have scheduled in other stories to finish for the next three months. I have Moon Curser, Dark Moon, and more GKTC stories to work on. Xandra Peel will be put away for awhile and then I’ll start on her story again.
So this has been the year for interruptions to my writings. The interruptions have been the most emotional pain that I have ever felt. Even the death of my great-grandmother, who I was close to, did not hit me with this much force.
My nerves are raw and every setback is even harder to bear than the last. Tomorrow I will start writing again– Today is labwork, and errands. The labwork is for my chronic illnesses. Tomorrow– Tomorrow–