Paper, thoughts, and little strips of memories are strewn over all available flat surfaces in my writing room. On one table, I have the bits and pieces of material for sewing. For the first time in two months, I have had time to let my mind wander. Who am I? Why am I here? What am I doing in this tiny apartment with a little black dog for a companion?
When I was twelve almost thirteen one of my mother’s great uncles died, leaving her a library full of original books that ranged from classics to pulp fiction. I was introduced to Isaac Asimov and Robert Heinlein. I read stories of men and even women who ventured into outer space and explored worlds. This taste of the fantastic led me to Andre Norton and her Witch Worlds.
In my deepest memories and emotions, I wanted to travel. I wanted to see new worlds and I wanted to see planets who had double suns or double moons. Even with these ambitions, my life kept coming back to the world– the one everyone else had created. When I found out that only NASA (and the Russians) had space programs, I wanted to be a part of it. Of course, it didn’t work out that way. I had neither the money nor status to get an education. No one was interested in educating a white woman whose public education only extended to the seventh grade.
Still I had hoped that we had walked on the moon, so our governments couldn’t put that genie in the bottle. But they did. When I turned 40, I lost hope– and became very ill. For years I was out of my mind from the meds and the disease. Thank god, for my late-hubby who was my caretaker and my support.
I had to turn my ambitions to something else. I started to write. My only hope was that I could populate the world with my ambitions to travel and see new things. My hope was that I could find new worlds in my imagination. Ironically, I wrote fantasy better than sci-fi.
So my dark secret? I envy you– there are at least two private companies making space craft and are looking to the stars. There are probably more that are planning to make the attempt. It is sad that our country has to use Russia for transportation to the Space shuttle.
So ask yourself– Why are we still earthbound?