On my refrigerator I have a sign that says “Gratitude, Seeing, Blessing.” I use it to remind me every morning that gratitude must be practiced daily. The reason I have it there is that I forget to thank the people and beings in my life for their forbearance of my actions.
It is hard to ask for forgiveness and it is even harder to give forgiveness. So I practice gratitude instead.
One of the beings that I am grateful for is my dog, Foxy. She has the patience of a saint when it comes to my writing. She will let me sit here, while I pound on the keys for hours before she decides it is “walk-time” or “food-time.” I learn what “being in the present” means. I tend to push toward my next goal. I am future oriented. Before my illnesses, I would finish one task and jump right into another one. It was finishing that was more important to me than the journey.
With Foxy, I am learning about the journey. Also I had to get sick so that I could slow down. Apparently the only way to make me smell the roses is to send me to the hospital a few times.
I have been pushing myself to get the 50,000 words done for Nanowrimo. This is my old self pushing to the front. If I would stick to my 1,000 words a day, and then do the things I need to do to keep healthy, I would not have these little physical breakdowns.
The fire alarms in the middle of the night didn’t help me to get the rest I needed. It was interesting that when I started to go wild on my writing, I would have one of these events. It would throw me out of my writing and give me a headache from hell.
Also I am experimenting with new medications for my high blood pressure. Just a note, my hbp is caused by my kidney disease, which is a side effect of my Wegener’s Granulomatosis. The WG is under control, but it left a lot of damage to my kidneys. Eventually I may need dialysis. For now, I have been able to keep my kidney function stable with diet, exercise, and medications. There is not much else I can effect in that area.
I use niacin to help keep my blood pressure under control. Part of the symptoms of long-term WG is that the veins become unresponsive. The niacin helps the veins to dilate. This makes my headaches less painful. Flushing is a symptom I can live with. It is nothing compared to the pain I have had when my kidneys quit working.
So I am grateful to be able to walk and talk. There have been times when I was in so much pain due to anemia that I couldn’t walk. I did say I was a miracle walking. I am grateful that I can walk and talk under these circumstances. Even better I am grateful that I can write in full sentences. Also that I can write so that others can comprehend what I am saying. It is a miracle.
So I am humbly learning that it is better for me to write daily than to rush the writing. Maybe some day I’ll be able to write 2,000 words a day without a physical breakdown and that I can do other things to keep myself balanced.
Seeing is one of the harder things for me to practice. This is to see someone as they are now and imagine them as they would be in the future. This changes your view of someone. I also find that I learn to appreciate that person better when I see them through time. It is hard.
It can also be use for looking backwards. To see the child you were and then tell them that things will get better because here you are… in the future.
Blessing means to bless everything around you. We normally just bless our food or ask for blessings. But we have in our power the ability to bless others around us.
One morning I was practicing gratitude and I thanked the sun, the trees, the grass, and the wind. I thanked Foxy, the birds, and the rabbits. Then my thinking switched. After thanking them, I blessed them. It was a totally different feeling. I felt myself expand in my heart.
Since I am a fantasy writer, I do have a fascination for magic. I have wondered sometimes why we don’t see magic in our reality like the kind I and others write about in books and novels. But, I now know our magic is subtle. When we connect through gratitude and blessing, we are doing magic through this connection.
We can bless others and ourselves just by our thoughts.
So thank you and bless you for reading these words.