So without further ado, here is a snippet of the revisions I’ve been doing for Shira. I’ve changed the name to Hero of Corsindor.
The messenger wore a velvet cut-back frock with single-breasted buttons fasted on the chest. Underneath the coat, he wore white lace frills under the a black silk waistcoat. His breeches were a stylish black velvet and he wore silk stockings to the knee. His black patent leather shoes had wide steel buckles. He wasn’t wearing the customary white gloves. He was in court dress.
When she heard his footsteps, the new Queen turned from the window overlooking the busy courtyard and beyond into the city. The servants and merchants looked like little ants too busy to look up into the sky.
The messenger stopped to admire the Queen. She wore a crimson dress that draped her tall thin frame. It emphasized her small chest and then fell straight down in waves. Her hair, a dark chestnut color, was piled artfully on her head. Silver and diamond pins sparkled in her hair. Any man, except the current king, would love to pull those pins from her hair and comb her hair with his hands.
The slight smell of lavender flowers followed her as she gracefully swayed. The messenger stopped a few feet from her and bent his head.
“Your Majesty,” he said. He bowed to her.
She gestured to two seats on the other side of the opulent room. How she could walk graceful as a bird on the plush rugs was a mystery. She sat down and then he sank in the soft chair.
“So?” she asked.
“The nurse is dead. He smiled at her, showing white sharp teeth.
There was a slight shudder in her shoulders and then she squared them.
“And, the baby?” she asked.
“Bad news, your majesty.” There was a hint of irony in the man’s voice. “She had already hid the baby before we found her.”
The queen’s voice hardened from a soft high voice to something lower and more sinister.
“Find him. Kill him.”
The messenger bowed his head in agreement. He stood and bowed again, then walked out of the room. His steps were firm and confident.
What the queen didn’t see as the messenger turned the corner and walked down the corridor was that his eyes turned a dark crimson. When he reached the shadows that gathered and pooled around the next corner, he disappeared into them.