First off it is half past the witching hour and my stomach woke me up with its shenanigans. I can’t sleep.
I know I won’t go back to sleep because my mind is awake, my toes hurt, and if I lie back down, the acid reflux will start again.
I was hit with a realization yesterday that I’m as prosperous as I will get. I have an apartment, a dog, and barely enough money to cover medical. There are people out there who aren’t doing as well. If I could figure out how to eat sunshine, I would then be able to afford my food addiction.
A lot of my money goes toward medications, supplements, and doctors. It keeps me alive.
This is about the time I start looking for a job because I do feel well. Unfortunately, the last three times I tried to work with a chronic illness, I became sick–flu, infections, and more recently pneumonia. Last year, I ended up in the hospital. Being around too many people for too long a period overwhelms my immune system.
I have the problem that most chronic illness sufferers have. I look good. I look perfectly healthy.
So I live in a Catch-22. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.
I have no answers so I write and for a moment I’m at peace.