Sometimes reality hits

woman wearing black long sleeved shirt sitting on green grass field near mountain under cloudy sky

Photo by Jure Širić on

First off it is half past the witching hour and my stomach woke me up with its shenanigans. I can’t sleep.

I know I won’t go back to sleep because my mind is awake, my toes hurt, and if I lie back down, the acid reflux will start again.

I was hit with a realization yesterday that  I’m as prosperous as I will get. I have an apartment, a dog, and barely enough money to cover medical. There are people out there who aren’t doing as well. If I could figure out how to eat sunshine, I would then be able to afford my food addiction.

A lot of my money goes toward medications, supplements, and doctors. It keeps me alive.

This is about the time I start looking for a job because I do feel well. Unfortunately, the last three times I tried to work with a chronic illness, I became sick–flu, infections, and more recently pneumonia. Last year, I ended up in the hospital. Being around too many people for too long a period overwhelms my immune system.

I have the problem that most chronic illness sufferers have. I look good. I look perfectly healthy.

So I live in a Catch-22. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.

I have no answers so I write and for a moment I’m at peace.

8 thoughts on “Sometimes reality hits

  1. Hugs! It’s okay, Cynthia. You should not be around lots of people. You’re right. There are many others like you that look healthy, but aren’t. Write on.

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