Monday, Monday

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Free from Pixabay

I haven’t dared to turn on the TV this morning because I finally have a clear brain and don’t want it cluttered with angry political rhetoric. So instead of listening to the weather attached to “news,” I am listening to my writing music as my little dog, Foxy, sits at my feet.

In my last post I talked about having low blood pressure and as I changed my meds, my brain started to come back online.  At this point I am trying to break a few of my obsessive habits that formed when my mind wasn’t clear. One of those things is to sit in my over-stuffed rocking chair, and play games on my Kindle Fire. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was a break after my writing routines. But, after my walk in the morning, I try to catch my breath. My brain is still foggy so I just reach for the Kindle and then turn on the TV. Then that is the end of my day.

So today and maybe the next month, I am breaking the habit of turning on the TV first thing in the morning.

Until I was sick the first time, I saw myself as three separate parts– body, mind, and spirit. I thought of myself as my mind. Then the first time, I was on a serious chemo drug I found that when my body wasn’t well, then my mind wasn’t well. Logically I knew this, but in my heart– I was my mind. It took me many months after I was taken off that chemo and put on a gentler drug to recuperate. It was hard for me to admit that I would never be the same.

The meds that I take to keep my immune system and kidneys under control feel like a huge bear paw that holds my mind down. When low blood pressure is in the mix, I’m amazed that I remember to walk, talk and eat.

My conclusion is that there is no separation of mind, body, and spirit. If any of these components are sick, then the whole becomes sick.

The scary thing is– if I could see when my body was sick enough to affect my mind, then I could stop it. But being the one in the middle of it, I cannot. I knew something was wrong because I couldn’t remember words. They slipped away from me into the void. I started to become disconnected.

It was so subtle.

I am grateful for a doctor that saw something not quite right. My kidneys cannot operate well if my blood pressure is too low. In my experience, if my kidneys are not working properly, then I lose my ability to reason and think.

I am grateful that she brought it to my attention so that I could fix it.

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I’m alive and kicking

I belong to the over fifty post-menopausal group, so when I started having problems of a female nature, I was scheduled for surgery. Tuesday I was in the “Same Day Surgery” at the VA Medical Center in Las Vegas. The cast was the surgeon, the anesthesiologist and his assistant, and several nurses.

I was bagged, tagged, and readied while these various characters told jokes and one said they should have a stand-up comedy day at the surgery center. The jokes were just enough to keep me from being anxious.

After I was tagged with the label “uterus,” I was wheeled into surgery for the final countdown. I had told the anesthesiologist and each of his assistants that I was an early to go under and late to come back. I was given the option to take the Valium. I refused it. I was awake as they made sure I was laid out on the table, then a mask was put over my face and nose.

“Breathe,” I was told. So I took a couple of breaths. Then I was asked my favorite vacation spot. I talked about the beach and the waves. The last words I said were, “there are colored fishes swimming around my to—-”

The next thing I heard was “CYNTHIA” and felt air on my face. I woke up and was wheeled out of surgery. I did get some good news– the surgeon didn’t see cancer. They are sending samples to the lab to make sure.

As for post-recovery, I was pretty alert, but extremely tired. Yesterday I took several naps. It seems that the anesthesia lingered until today. Now I am feeling pain almost two days later. Not bad– although I finally took a half a Tylenol.

As for the rest– well, it has been the first day since I was wheeled into surgery that I even felt clear enough to write words. I knew that I would feel this way so I wrote my weekly word quota before the surgery.

So if you ever need some same day surgery help, and are a vet, go to the VA medical center. You go in laughing– and you are in good hands.

 

It’s Labor Day and I am laboring

Dark FantasyJust a little promo about Perchance to Dream.

This is a dark fantasy of two women who start as adversaries. It’s a world where demons masquerade as saints and saints are either dead or in hiding. Where magic users are registered for use by religious organizations.

Where flesh magic and demon magic are common. Then there is Kat and Daisy, trying to protect the ones they love.

You can get this ebook on amazon.com for $3.99

And now for something a little different:

Last night I dreamed of standing in front of a council similar to when a PhD candidate defends his thesis. I was nervous, but stood straight as I listened to the questions. The last question that I remember was “Why do you write?”

I stopped for a moment to gather my thoughts. I know that at times I had said that I wanted to write for autonomy, for money, and even for fame.

But none of these things were the real reason why I write. So I said “I write to influence people, the way I was influenced when I was a young girl. I write to give that one person hope.”

I don’t know why my dreams and my subconscious was so determined to pull that answer out of me. I really would like to make some money to pay the bills. I really would like some name recognition. But in the deepest part of my soul, the answer is I write for myself and I write to let others know that even in the worst circumstances, there is always hope.

Veteran’s day Pancake Breakfast

On Saturday a church near me held a Veteran’s day Pancake Breakfast for the veterans in the area. They had a nice flag ceremony and they also did a slide show to honor the veterans. I was surprised that my face was also there and my late-hubby’s face. I think I choked when I saw him. My brother had given one of the guys who put the slide show together some of his pictures.

It was a bitter-sweet occasion. I talked to a lady who said she regretted never going into the military. I told her my policy of “no regrets.” We make choices in our youth and young adulthood that make us the people we are today. If we like ourselves, we made the right choices. Every choice has an upside and downside. Also, if we don’t like ourselves then we find a way to change.

This attitude doesn’t make me wise. It does make me able to see a little farther into the future than others. So I need to look into my future which looks really brief right now. Plan for the next step of my life without the man who was my rudder. It is time to take control.

My health is not the best. I found out a few things that I suspected about my health last week, but no one had actually told me straight. I do like my new doctor. It does mean that I have to trust someone other than myself to tell me if I need to see my doctor.

I do have plans. At this time I want to thank my late-hubby for being my rudder during some very difficult times in my disease. Without him, I would have died. I have known this for many years and it was one of the things that really scared me when I realized that he was dying.

May he rest in peace. May I find happiness again. May I stay on course for the next part of my life.

Two days into Camp Nano

So I started “Dark Moon Rising” a couple years ago after I finished “She Called It, Wolf.” I am doing some editing towards grounding the characters into their surroundings by using the five senses. It was an obvious tip I received from one of my classes with Dean W. Smith. If you want some good grounding in writing stories. He is the best for that type of instruction.

I noticed as I was editing the first 9,000 words that I like to use “he knew, she realized”, and other filler words. Also, I was talking to another writer who easily writes 85 to 100 thousand words. I don’t have that much in me for stories. My stories are 500 to 30,000 words (shorts and novellas). When I stretch to 50 or 60 thousand words, I find it hard. I know I shouldn’t have a problem if I use the try/fail cycle (another DWS tip). Plus as I am looking at the storyline, I am better now than when I first wrote the first story. Yeah! It is good to see some progress.

Now if I can write well enough for readers. I am improving. I hope to be a better writer before I die.

State of the Writer and other myths

In our unmythical world that is ruled by logic and common sense (you should hear me snickering while I wrote that phrase), I need a little fantasy to give me the escape that other people get from booze. Seriously, I haven’t had a drink in over ten years. No, I am not a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol especially in quantities does interfere with my medications. So I have to face this world sober. Thankfully it is not the world of my far ancestors. However, when I turn on the TV I am so astounded by some of the actions and opinions that I immediately turn the TV off. I can see why it is hard for a lot of people to be dead sober with all of THAT, including the electronics. Our brains are not wired for constant stimulation.

That’s why I am a reader first and a writer second.

So this writer lately has been reading Pam Uphoff’s sci-fi/fantasy series Wine of the Gods. It starts with Outcasts of the Gods, where a group of children have been genetically altered so that they have certain diseases fixed in their genes. The more extreme of those genetic manipulations causes some of these youngsters to be able to do “magic” as in open dimensional gates. So far I have enjoyed every story she has up on Amazon. So if you like sci-fi and magic combination, and if you like good writing, go read her work. It is worth the price.

As a writer, I finished writing a story for the Baen contest. It is under 5,000 words about an older woman and crafts. Yes, it is a fantasy. But, it was a lot of fun to write. I am getting better at using the five senses in my writings.

I hit a snag with Hilda’s Inn for Retired Heroes. I will have to pull it apart and add more at the end.

My vanilla cozy mystery is a third of the way written. I am doing a novella so about 30,000 words more or less.

Also in July, I will probably use the services of Camp NaNoWriMo to work on “Dark Moon Rising,” the second book in the EJ series. It has taken me a long time to write this book. Plus it is the first time I have done a sequel. I started it a year ago or so (more than a year) and am about 15,000 words into it. This one should reach 50,000 or more.

I will continue to writing in the GKTC (Green Knight Terraforming Company) world. I want to get five stories together and put them up as a collection. I have one written already and up at Amazon and other places.

For amusement I cross-stitch and watch Supernatural on Netflix. This particular piece is a Japanese style raven with a Katana. Every stitch is a different color. It has taken me a year to get a third of the project done. It gives me a break from writing and uses my fingers more than my mind.

So the state of mind of the writer is the same. I am annoyed, despairing, and jubilant by turns and sometimes all at once. My health is okay right now except for the pollen allergies.

I was reading an essay recently about why writers write– fun or profit. Well, I am compelled to write. Sometimes it is a good feeling and sometimes it really feels like I am a slave to the words. If you know me at all, you would find out early that I am a freedom freak. So even being a slave to words can be a tight collar for this writer.

I don’t write to say that I write. I am past that little milestone. I am not even embarrassed to write– although it can get embarrassing when someone thinks a writer is a genius. I do feel that since I am compelled to put words to paper or in this case to the digital emptiness that I would eventually like to make enough cash to pay for meds and sometimes the rent. It is less a matter of money and more a matter of freedom.

I write, therefore I am.

Busy day ahead

I am eating cherry Greek yogurt, sipping my second cup of coffee, swallowing my pills, and rushing this morning so that I can get over to the recreation room by 9 a.m. and start writing again.

So this post will be short this morning. Cedar Sanderson published an article called Formatting Poetry for Publication. Yes, I wrote it. If you are interested on some of the ins and outs of this subject, this post will give you a start.

Tomorrow, will also be a busy day for me. I see my rheumatologist for my disease. Hope you had a wonderful weekend.