Life and bandages

I scraped the knuckle of my right index finger on my washing machine lid. The lip is sharper than it should be. After a sharp sting, I looked at my finger and saw my blood well from a cut. I went into immediate action by cleaning the small wound. Turned out I scraped the top skin off the knuckle. The wound looked worse than it was.

I wrapped the finger with antibiotic cream and a bandage and the sting disappeared. This morning there is a slight shiny covering over the small wound.

It still stings a little as I type and I move the finger so the covering stays flexible.

Today I was thinking about the Las Vegas shooter and his motivations. Every day we get new revelations of the man and what he did. Even though it is horrifying at how many people died and hurt, it still could have been worse.

I send my condolences to those who lost loved ones in this tragedy. I have lost someone close to me. The feeling of loss never goes away. It does grow distant as the years go by. It will take more than a bandage to overcome the grief. In my case I did some counseling to make my life a little better and to see the good in this world.

You’ll find that the colors will get brighter after a while and that you won’t be asking the birds anymore “why they are singing” because they shouldn’t be singing when someone who was your whole world is dead. No bandage will fix such a loss.

The rest of us are speculating on why the shooter did what he did. Please forgive us. We are being human. It is our way to take chaos and to make it into something we can understand. When we saw those pictures of people running and saw the confusion of 20,000 people looking for a way out of a killing field, we were shocked. We wanted to find a reason. It wouldn’t make it any better, of course. It’s just our minds do not accept chaos.

So forgive our conspiracy theories and our speculations. We are trying to find meaning in this madness.

I am not claiming your pain. I won’t claim your pain. I already know pain. When you can think more clearly after your grief subsides and you want to know what happened, we will have it for you.

It is too early to know yet. I know that you scream “why?” in the night. I know because I lost someone too–not to a maniac’s bullet, but to cancer.

Some wounds take much longer to heal than a small scrape.